I took the kids to Wal-mart the other day and we happened to score a killer parking space. It was crowded so this pack mule was pretty pumped.
When we got done shopping and back to the car I unlocked all the doors. No key-less entry here, we're all about character building (wink!). I told Silas to climb in his seat. He did while I unbuckled my rabid chimp from the front of the cart and and took a deep breath to brace myself for the struggle about to ensue. As I carried her to her seat I started in with Tactic 1: Distraction. Mash, did you see Kahlua (my mom's horse) at Guh Guh's house? What does Kahlua say? (I make loud horse noises and make my body shiver like a horse). She giggled but then started to realize that I was strapping her in and started shrieking. I quickly moved to Tactic 2: Brute Force because her tiny body was escaping and undoing all of my progress. I laid my body across her to hold down her arms while I buckle her in (still shrieking). She had tears streaming down her cheeks and I felt guilty because we'd been running errands all day and I knew she was craving play.
So I start playing peek-a-boo through the window. Now she's laughing. So hard that I keep doing it and start laughing pretty hard myself. Then Silas begs me to do him so I look at him and do more peek-a-boo's followed by Mommy's gonna get you! in my annoying talking to children voice.
I notice that my hair looks like a crazy lady in the reflection so I stare at myself and fix my ponytail.
I unload the groceries.
I place the cart precariously between the four corners of the cars around me and watch for it to roll. It stays. Good work Angie.
I play a few more BOO!'s for good measure.
I tell Mash how funny she is through the window.
I stand up, exhale loudly, mumble Man I'm beat, and smile when I remember it's about to be nap time.
I hike up my pants past my muffin top to conceal the previously revealed plumbers crack.
I pick my wedgie.
I shut the trunk
That's when I finally notice a man in a truck with his windows down who's been watching our little side show for the last 10 minutes while waiting on my parking spot with a line of 18 angry cars behind him.
People. Never try to wait for a parking spot that belongs to a mom with kids. I didn't even feel guilty. Like a huge dork, yes, but not guilty. That was just bad decision making.