Well the end of my third pregnancy is very near (it will be over in the next 12 or so hours) and there's alot on my mind. And since I haven't written anything down about this episode in our lives I thought I probably should.
First I want to say to our little addition that although we haven't documented much about you so far, you are very much wanted and dearly loved!
Here are our manly men putting your room together.
You were a complete surprise to us. We thought we were done, gave away all our baby gear, mentally started the shift to accept that our family of four was complete. The doctors had strongly suggested I not get pregnant again for health reasons and we thought we had decided to comply.
New years eve night we were in Houston with Brian's family. I felt like something was really wrong. I was tired and shivering cold but had no fever. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I started Googling until I landed on low thyroid. Well at least I knew what was wrong now. I would have to see the doctor when we got back home.
But Brian kept insisting that I consider the possibility of being pregnant. You shut your mouth, I told him. Against my will he sent his brother to get a test from the store and I will never forget the disbelief I felt as I watched the second line faintly appear. After riding wave after wave of differing emotions, I emerged downstairs with a tear stained face to let everyone know the news.
One thing I knew was that I would look back over my life and never be able to imagine it without you.
This pregnancy hasn't been easy. I have SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction) which is basically where my body has produced too much "relaxin" hormone resulting in alot of hip and groin pain and instability. Remember the scene from Forrest Gump where he's running with braces on his legs and he goes to fast they start busting apart? That's what it feels like when I move most of the time. There's alot of popping, shifting and pain. The good news is that it should make for an easy delivery.
Everything else in the pregnancy has been pretty similar to the other two. Extreme tiredness in the beginning, good spirits most of the rest of the time. Having to sleep in a recliner, The strange scratching (or more like knifing) feeling going on in my womb. I told Brian if I die before him, I really want him to request and attend the autopsy and ask that they check out my uterus for carvings. I picture etchings like "Silas wuz here" and "Madison rocks."
Brian graciously snapped this photo of me in my sleeping glory. The yo gabba gabba blanket makes a great pillow. And the cane behind the chair is for waking my snoring husband who can't hear my voice. We love each other.
These are the feelings and impressions I've had about you. I think you will be incredibly deep. Very confident and somewhat quiet. Hopeful and intelligent.
When I was pregnant with Madison the words bright, sunny, and clear always came to mind. And that has been pretty accurate. I had no clue about Silas, I guess I was an amateur.
I have been so looking forward to those sweet indescribable moments in the beginning. The feeding and tiny preciousness. But as I'm a few days out, I'm batting fear. Fear of the injuries associated with pushing a small human out of your body. Fear of the sleep deprivation and hormonal imbalances and how it will affect my marriage and ability to mother.
I'm asking my Father to help me have joy and to rest in the peace of knowing I walk with the great Healer. That he has grace for me. That he has GOOD things, things we don't even know about, waiting for us in this new season. May my hope in Him replace the fear with excitement. That I would "smile at the future." He is always faithful!
I am so grateful for this surprise. I thank God for you little girl, the blessing growing inside me.
p.s. Your brother and sister are pretty darned excited to meet you. They've been talking to you for a while, especially your sister who sings you songs about protecting you and kisses and hugs before she goes to bed every night. I think you're gonna like them.
Here they are getting paid a quarter to rub my swollen feet. A whole quarter!
I'm afraid I'm becoming that lady. You know, the one that lives in that house that all the kids in the neighborhood talk about. The house with something mysterious going on.
Over the past few months Brian's been replacing the windows in our house and adding trim around them. My job has been to go behind him and paint. These windows face all directions and never have blinds at the time I'm painting so I see all the neighbors and kids playing in the street, riding bikes down the sidewalk, etc.
I've gotten some weird stares but it wasn't until Silas snapped this picture of me with my phone that it finally dawned on me what everyone has been seeing through the other side of the window.
A lady with a huge belly wearing a scary mask. Painting...up and down, up and down.
I can just hear them, "Look! She's in a different window tonight."
I guess we'll know why if we don't get any trick or treaters this year.
My little blog. How I've neglected it. Somewhere along the way I lost my photo editing software and apparently that was all that was keeping us together.
But I just read some old posts and remembered how much I like writing and remembering our stories.
And my brother bought me a new photo editing program for my birthday, which happened to be months ago, so I really can't use that excuse anymore.
With that said, I'm going to make an attempt to jump back in. Two weeks before my third child is born. Timing has always been my thing.
Our lives have been so very full lately. Aside from the more meaningful things, we added a room in the house to make space for the baby. That sounds so simple, all wrapped up in one little statement. It wasn't. Brian spent many precious free hours working so hard to get it done. And he did a really good job. After that, we remodeled the two girl rooms and got everyone situated. Again, not simple.
We finally finished unpacking our belongings which had become infested with brown recluse spiders from storage. One day will document that process in detail but I can't relive it at the moment.
I've been growing a baby. I can't wait to meet her. I want so badly to hold her and nurse her and hear her little noises and cries. And get her out of my body. (I haven't had my token break down moment where I cry in Brian's arms and tell him I can't breathe and I don't think I'll make it much longer in my fat suit, but I think it's coming.)
Our best photo from our eventful summer San Antonio vacation.
I'm sure there is much more but that's all for tonight.