Pre-labor Ramblings

Well the end of my third pregnancy is very near (it will be over in the next 12 or so hours) and there's alot on my mind. And since I haven't written anything down about this episode in our lives I thought I probably should.

First I want to say to our little addition that although we haven't documented much about you so far, you are very much wanted and dearly loved!

Here are our manly men putting your room together.

You were a complete surprise to us. We thought we were done, gave away all our baby gear, mentally started the shift to accept that our family of four was complete. The doctors had strongly suggested I not get pregnant again for health reasons and we thought we had decided to comply.

New years eve night we were in Houston with Brian's family. I felt like something was really wrong. I was tired and shivering cold but had no fever. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I started Googling until I landed on low thyroid. Well at least I knew what was wrong now. I would have to see the doctor when we got back home.

But Brian kept insisting that I consider the possibility of being pregnant. You shut your mouth, I told him. Against my will he sent his brother to get a test from the store and I will never forget the disbelief I felt as I watched the second line faintly appear. After riding wave after wave of differing emotions, I emerged downstairs with a tear stained face to let everyone know the news.

One thing I knew was that I would look back over my life and never be able to imagine it without you.

This pregnancy hasn't been easy. I have SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction) which is basically where my body has produced too much "relaxin" hormone resulting in alot of hip and groin pain and instability. Remember the scene from Forrest Gump where he's running with braces on his legs and he goes to fast they start busting apart? That's what it feels like when I move most of the time. There's alot of popping, shifting and pain. The good news is that it should make for an easy delivery.

Everything else in the pregnancy has been pretty similar to the other two. Extreme tiredness in the beginning, good spirits most of the rest of the time. Having to sleep in a recliner, The strange scratching (or more like knifing) feeling going on in my womb. I told Brian if I die before him, I really want him to request and attend the autopsy and ask that they check out my uterus for carvings. I picture etchings like "Silas wuz here" and "Madison rocks."

Brian graciously snapped this photo of me in my sleeping glory. The yo gabba gabba blanket makes a great pillow. And the cane behind the chair is for waking my snoring husband who can't hear my voice. We love each other. 

These are the feelings and impressions I've had about you. I think you will be incredibly deep. Very confident and somewhat quiet. Hopeful and intelligent.

When I was pregnant with Madison the words bright, sunny, and clear always came to mind. And that has been pretty accurate. I had no clue about Silas, I guess I was an amateur.

I have been so looking forward to those sweet indescribable moments in the beginning. The feeding and tiny preciousness. But as I'm a few days out, I'm batting fear. Fear of the injuries associated with pushing a small human out of your body. Fear of the sleep deprivation and hormonal imbalances and how it will affect my marriage and ability to mother.

I'm asking my Father to help me have joy and to rest in the peace of knowing I walk with the great Healer. That he has grace for me. That he has GOOD things, things we don't even know about, waiting for us in this new season. May my hope in Him replace the fear with excitement. That I would "smile at the future." He is always faithful!

I am so grateful for this surprise. I thank God for you little girl, the blessing growing inside me.

p.s. Your brother and sister are pretty darned excited to meet you. They've been talking to you for a while, especially your sister who sings you songs about protecting you and kisses and hugs before she goes to bed every night. I think you're gonna like them.

Here they are getting paid a quarter to rub my swollen feet. A whole quarter!