Brian looked at me and said that we would still ask his will even now.
Even though we already paid for it and leave in two days??
Yep. If he doesn't want us to go, then we won't go.
Ok. (freedom creeping in)
And we prayed.
I felt a yes in my spirit, that he wanted us to go and be there and rest. Brian said he had peace about it as well. Alright then, we're all in. The heaviness in my chest began to lift.
Then we made sweet love. Just kidding. Making sure you're still awake...
But seriously, throughout this whole process I grew a new understanding about how rich it is to walk with the Lord. To trust him. When I assumed he was rejecting me, I felt that I couldn't take my fears to him. In the midst of the angst I was struck by what it's like to just sit with your anxieties and demons and have no place to take them. I looked for distractions. I was edgier with my kids.
And it made me rethink this question that floats around my head from time to time: what real difference does it make following Jesus? Everyone else's lives seem just fine. I knew the answer. Even if it meant sacrificing our vacation plans. The intimacy and trust and provision I enjoy with my Father God is more precious than gold. My life is rich because of him.
Like richer than winning the lottery rich.
This is what I want for others. This is how it was meant to be.
To know the love and peace of our maker...there is nothing better.
This morning, with a renewed heart and a peace that I am protected, not from pain or hardships, but from hopelessness and abandonment, I'm packing for our trip and baking snacks with my four year old. The windows are open on this odd August day in Texas and we have beautiful music playing as we sing love songs to our Father.