Bellycrack

When I was pregnant with Silas I gained 70 pounds. There I said it.
I feel lighter already.

Are you ready for it?

Shabam!

The following story illustrates a valuable lesson all pregnant women should know.

During this pregnancy of obscene weight gain, the doctors were always on my case about eating healthier, slowing down the gainage, blah blah blah. Well just once (once right?) I scarfed down some fast food right before my appointment. Taco Bell to be exact. And I proceeded to go to my appointment and nod and say "ok!" during the usual lecture from the doctor about my diet and weight, all the while daydreaming about getting an Oreo blast from Sonic on my way home.

The doc was concerned about the size of the baby so they ordered me to get a sonogram in the office right then. They wheeled in the machine and the doctor asked me to lift my shirt. As she was squirting my stomach with the cold jelly she stopped and looked puzzled.

She leaned closer then looked up at me and said, "I think you have some food under your belly. It looks like lettuce. And maybe some cheese and meat." I acted surprised and mumbled something awkward about how it must have been from my salad at lunch and I tried to lift my large body to a sitting position to help her sweep it out. But she went ahead and finished the job, cleaning the evidence of my over-eating from under my belly. I shrugged and smiled sheepishly.

So there you have it. Ladies, if you eat in the car before your OB appointment, clean outcha belly crack before you go in. Oh and one more word of advice, try not to gain 70 pounds when you're pregnant. All that blubber just brings you heartache.