The Bad, the Ugly, and the Good

Today was a hard day. Tonight was even worse. I'm out of town with the kids which means no daddy and I've been sick. Bad combo.

The kids were in the bath after we'd made it through dinner and clean-up time and I was sitting in a little chair reading a book while they played in the water. I peeked over the pages to find them scrubbing each others backs and I let down my guard a little. (I'd been in constant drill sergeant mode for a while). I smiled and thought I guess they are kinda sweet.

Six seconds later a soaking wet wash cloth flew from one of those sweet hands knocking my book out of my hands and onto the floor, instantly soaking the entire thing. They giggled as I jumped up yelling noooooo! and frantically tried to salvage what was now a saturated sponge.

Rage.

Fastest washings and dressings they have ever gotten.

I did stop once to apologize to Silas and told him I'm really tired and my job of being a mommy has been hard today. But mostly they just got fireball eyes if they tried to put up anything resembling resistance.

I laid the little one down in her pack n play and warned of the dreadful things that would happen if she decided to climb out (which she conveniently learned to do a few nights ago after Daddy left).

This is where the good started to creep in. I was on my way to make my 5th trip downstairs for yet another essential bedtime item when Silas called out to me, Mommy I got my blanket and I'm already in bed. I'll wait for you here until you're done with Madison.

Umm, who are you and what have you done with my son? I ran into his room and kissed his cheeks. I needed that Silas. Thank you.

I finished putting Mash to bed which involved apologizing for being grumpy and her saying I agive you in her tiny voice and hugging and kissing me.

Then I climbed into bed with Silas to read him a story. He looked over at me, our noses almost touching, and said When you were a little girl did GuhGuh (my mom) climb in bed and read to you?

Yes, she did.

Well, when I grow up I'm going to snuggle with my kids and read them a story too! Pause. His chin starts to quiver. But I try to think about what kids I will have and I can't see them and I don't know their names! But I want to know their names!

I stared at his little profile and was taken aback by his desire to know his future children.

Did you know your kids will be my grandkids and I will be their grandma?

He looked at me and smiled and said And Daddy will be their grandpa??

Yep.

His chin starts to quiver again. But...who will be their mommy? They will need a mommy.

I told him one day he will find a girl who loves Jesus and is kind and gentle. And she will be his kids' mommy and they will be a family.

He smiled and looked up at the ceiling imagining the future. (He later added that his kids will be Parker and Preston (his cousins) but that he really wants free (3) kids because he wants to have a baby like Madison too.)

So here I am, laying in bed typing so I won't forget this. I find myself asking if this is really happening. I know it's been true of every human in the history of mankind but are my little children really going to one day not be little children? It's strange that something so mundane, commonplace, and experienced by an incalculable amount of parents before me seems so impossible.

And finally, I'm praying that my Father would help me to choose grace tomorrow. To stay in the love as I parent. To let go of the ever available anger and irritation. Because I know your heart is for us to love each other. And wherever their future spouses are, will you give them parents that love them well. That teach them to love well. Thank you for leading me. Your love is better than life!

Moving is Stressful

Snuggling with my kids is not.

It's a little treasure I've discovered.

This has been an ordeal filled with seeking God on where he wants us and WAITING and releasing the anxious sickness in my stomach on a minute by minute basis. But the sweet moments of calm have come after talking to brokers and realtors and storage facilities and a stressed husband on the phone all over blaring episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba and kids loudly taming their toy horse while taking breaks to fight and/or plead with me for food all while I try to do laundry, pack our belongings, scan documents, and get our damned printer to work (pardon my French).

In these moments I find myself panting and wanting to steal Mash's pacifier, curl up in a corner with it, wrap myself in a window curtain and rock back and forth.

And this is the point I often scapegoat my children as the source of my angst and unleash waves of irritability on them. But there's been grace on me. I look across the room and see little stress balls.

Come snuggle with me!

They never turn me down.
I let my eyes close and listen to Elmo's world while their soothing closeness lifts the heaviness.

Who knew they possessed such powers?

Little Launch Take Two

Remember this?

Well this happened on Monday.

She sure loved it.
She didn't even cry when her owl backpack made her fall backwards.

In other news, time has begun speeding up at an exponential rate. 

Happy Late Father's Day

To my man. My partner. You stay in the thick of parenting with me. You give me breaks. You play with the kids. You flow with compassion and patience. Your presence is missed so much when you go on business trips that we have to make a countdown of days until you return.

We love you.

Pic of the Day

Ann Geddes, mullet and pj's style. 

Mash's Day

Two years ago today I had one of the best days of my life. 

Surrounded by my husband, mother, sister, and aunt, I birthed a little girl.

For the rest of the day she laid on my chest and we slept. There was no where else in the world I wanted to be. I can still remember her scent. The sweet noises she made as she learned to nurse. 

That night in the quiet dark hospital room felt like a holy moment. It was just the two of us (nevermind the sleeping husband and hospital staff that came in every half-hour). I drifted in and out of sleep but every time I woke I felt overwhelmed with peaceful gladness as I fed and changed her, and wrapped her up to hold. I can still feel the stillness of the room as I told my Father thank you with tears streaming down. 

Two years earlier her brother plowed the way through my selfish heart and formed a mother out of me. This time there was no shock or surprise. I had already given up my rights.
I was ready to simply love. 

Since that day she has carried with her the gift of joy.

She blesses me more than I could ever deserve.  

Home Remedy: Learning to Live with Scorpions

For those of us blessed by the unavoidable company of scorpions, I've compiled a list. Not a list of extermination techniques (which I've lost all faith in) but a list for those more advanced in the grief process. Those of us who have made it to the stage of acceptance.
These are my methods to make their company more bearable during what I call the "high season."
The season when the spawns of satan storm your home and war is declared.

1. Always shake out your bath towel before you dry off. 

2. Always check the sheets in your bed and under your pillows before you get in. 

3. Never leave clothes on the floor. If you do, assume there is one in there when you pick them up.

4. Wear gardening gloves while sorting laundry.

5. Don't sleep under air conditioning vents.

6. Keep a pair of flip flops by the bed in case you have to walk at night (through the minefields).

6. The most important tip is this: When several run-ins leave you feeling frazzled and doomed, remember the times you've been stung. You survived. It was painful but not life-threatening.
The following self talk helps: "I am bigger than the scorpions. I am strong.
I will not live my life in fear. Low season will come again."

Taking steps to avoid interaction with the evil creatures as well as mentally putting them in their place is the way to peaceful co-existence. 

My heart goes out to those with severe infestations (those who put their beds on cinder blocks and surround the cinder blocks with sticky traps so they can sleep safely). 

Maybe you could accidentally leave your fry daddy on when you go out of town for the weekend.

And a disclaimer: The previous advice is given for those living with non-poisonous scorpions. Also, it is very dangerous for an infant to be bitten by any type of scorpion. 
Consider sending them to Grandma's until they're two.