She was so cute for cowgirl day, I can't even tell ya.
I sure like being her mama.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Halloween 2011
We had a blast!
Silas could've kept up with a group of teenagers. He was a pro.
He was also quite heartbroken to wash his face when we got home.
Mash was too cute for words. Today when I laid her in bed for her nap she said "I gonna sweep, wake up, you paint cupcake my face, go say twick or tweet get maw M.M.'s. Ok?"
The whole posse.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Snapshot
If my future self were to look back at the fall of 2011, this is what I would see:
First of all, me not having a desktop which means difficult access to pictures which means very infrequent blogging. This saddens me.
The four of us living with an awesome couple from our church (Bob n Chells as Madison refers to them). It's been great for us, actually a huge blessing, but sometimes I wonder what they're thinking when Silas throws his 18th fit during dinner or I have to text Chells to let her know Silas vomited and didn't make it into the throw-up bowl (see below). We're nearing our third month of waiting for our short sale to close. It will be at least another month. Me no likey short sales.
The four of us passing around sickness for the past two months. At the moment I am freshly over strep, Silas is miserable with a stomach bug, Madison's just done with her stomach bug and Brian is fighting a cold.
Our family driving around in our new minivan. It's pretty sweet. Silas thinks it's the coolest thing since sliced bread. We said goodbye to Grease Lightening and the Geo.
My extended family taking a great camping trip which involved canoeing, a train ride, bike riding, and being surrounded by beautiful nature.
Brian enduring the most stressful stretch of work his job has given him yet.
Me discovering Pinterest. Scary.
Me and Silas having special days every Monday. Mash goes to school and Silas doesn't. I only have one more year with him all to myself so I'm squeezing all the goodness out of it I can. We love our special days.
Madison talking up a storm. Especially about elephant butts. More on that later.
Silas wanting to know everything possible about nutrition. He can tell you the protein, carb, vitamin, and fiber content of most foods.
Madison and Silas wanting to ride bikes 24 hours a day.
Me being reminded about who and what I live my life for. I'm learning on a deeper level that it's not things. And it's not a house.
First of all, me not having a desktop which means difficult access to pictures which means very infrequent blogging. This saddens me.
The four of us living with an awesome couple from our church (Bob n Chells as Madison refers to them). It's been great for us, actually a huge blessing, but sometimes I wonder what they're thinking when Silas throws his 18th fit during dinner or I have to text Chells to let her know Silas vomited and didn't make it into the throw-up bowl (see below). We're nearing our third month of waiting for our short sale to close. It will be at least another month. Me no likey short sales.
The four of us passing around sickness for the past two months. At the moment I am freshly over strep, Silas is miserable with a stomach bug, Madison's just done with her stomach bug and Brian is fighting a cold.
Our family driving around in our new minivan. It's pretty sweet. Silas thinks it's the coolest thing since sliced bread. We said goodbye to Grease Lightening and the Geo.
My extended family taking a great camping trip which involved canoeing, a train ride, bike riding, and being surrounded by beautiful nature.
Brian enduring the most stressful stretch of work his job has given him yet.
Me discovering Pinterest. Scary.
Me and Silas having special days every Monday. Mash goes to school and Silas doesn't. I only have one more year with him all to myself so I'm squeezing all the goodness out of it I can. We love our special days.
Madison talking up a storm. Especially about elephant butts. More on that later.
Silas wanting to know everything possible about nutrition. He can tell you the protein, carb, vitamin, and fiber content of most foods.
Madison and Silas wanting to ride bikes 24 hours a day.
Me being reminded about who and what I live my life for. I'm learning on a deeper level that it's not things. And it's not a house.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Rear View Mirror
One Sunday morning we were late to church. Oh wait, that's been every single Sunday for the last four years.
But something special happened on this morning.
Brian was driving and juggling listening to me analyze why he made us late and the kids screaming various demands and grievances in the back seat. He would reach back trying to reach Madison's pacifier and tell Silas something to the tune of "If you touch her one more time, you know what will happen!" as the car swerved slightly with all of his movements. I critiqued the morning's timeline and picked at my face in the mirror before my "we're late" ritual of putting on my makeup in the car. I think he was flinching his jaw and imagining scenes from "Throw Mama from the Train" with me replacing the character of "Mama" but I would have to verify that with him.
Brian tried the old futile method of achieving silence, turning the radio up. Way up. It didn't work. I joined his efforts and tried distracting the kids. I heard sirens in the distance and said Listen, there's a fire truck! They didn't care. I resumed my analyses and picking. A long while later I looked over at Brian and saw colored lights reflecting on his face.
I gasped when I saw the police car in my make-up mirror. "Oh no, we're being pulled over!" Then my heart sunk because I've come to learn the following law of nature: being late + being distracted = Brian speeding excessively. Kids, turn on the charm when he gets to the window.
Much to our surprise when Brian rolled down his window we heard through a loud speaker SLOWLY STEP OUT OF THE CAR AND PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE VEHICLE!
My jaw dropped as I watched Brian slowly exit the car and assume the position. More commands followed from the speaker. STEP TO THE BACK OF THE VEHICLE! Then the officer got out of the car. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING SIR? Brian stared in confusion. He began screaming at Brian. The quiver and intensity in the officer's voice made it evident he was pretty shaken up. Then things became clear. I'VE BEEN CHASING YOU FOR MILES! WHY WOULDN'T YOU PULL OVER? I could hear Brian try to explain, My kids were screaming in the back seat and my rear view mirror was pointed down to - THERE IS NO REASON FOR ME TO HAVE TO FOLLOW YOU FOR THAT LONG WITH MY SIRENS AND LIGHTS ON! THERE'S NO EXCUSE!
I was thinking to myself, Actually, sir, there is a perfectly good reason and my husband just gave it to you. The radio was blaring and all mirrors were pointed at the children.
But thankfully my husband had more sense than me. He listened as the officer vented more feelings of flabbergast and then apologized repeatedly and agreed that there was no excuse.
Then I saw the officer head to my window. Keep in mind I wasn't feeling too sharp that morning. I was staring at his face, watching his eyes with hopes that he would look back, notice the kids in the back seat and have mercy. After waiting a while he raised his eyebrows as if to say "Hello?" and motioned for me to roll down my window. I jumped to it and saw him revel in the glory of my radiating picked-at, no make-up having face. He asked to see my driver's license (still trying to get to the bottom of why we were trying to run from him). I set the bowl of cereal I had in my lap on the floorboard then grimaced when I looked back and remembered Brian had packed the diaper bag. Fat chance he thought to grab my wallet.
I smiled sheepishly and started explaining. Well you see, my husband packed the diaper bag yadda yadda yadda. He didn't buy it. All I could think of was to offer to have him follow us back to our home and I would get it for him. From the back seat Silas fervently (and repeatedly) asked Why is the police man angry at Daddy?? Mommeeeeeeeeeeee, WHY??
After a few minutes of asking the same questions and getting the same answers the officer gave up. Maybe the kids worked their magic. Maybe it was Brian's humility. Most likely it was my stunning beauty but regardless, and much to our amazement, he let our little circus act off with a warning.
Laughter replaced the bickering and we were all smiles when we showed up before church ended.
Lesson learned:
But something special happened on this morning.
Brian was driving and juggling listening to me analyze why he made us late and the kids screaming various demands and grievances in the back seat. He would reach back trying to reach Madison's pacifier and tell Silas something to the tune of "If you touch her one more time, you know what will happen!" as the car swerved slightly with all of his movements. I critiqued the morning's timeline and picked at my face in the mirror before my "we're late" ritual of putting on my makeup in the car. I think he was flinching his jaw and imagining scenes from "Throw Mama from the Train" with me replacing the character of "Mama" but I would have to verify that with him.
Brian tried the old futile method of achieving silence, turning the radio up. Way up. It didn't work. I joined his efforts and tried distracting the kids. I heard sirens in the distance and said Listen, there's a fire truck! They didn't care. I resumed my analyses and picking. A long while later I looked over at Brian and saw colored lights reflecting on his face.
I gasped when I saw the police car in my make-up mirror. "Oh no, we're being pulled over!" Then my heart sunk because I've come to learn the following law of nature: being late + being distracted = Brian speeding excessively. Kids, turn on the charm when he gets to the window.
Much to our surprise when Brian rolled down his window we heard through a loud speaker SLOWLY STEP OUT OF THE CAR AND PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE VEHICLE!
My jaw dropped as I watched Brian slowly exit the car and assume the position. More commands followed from the speaker. STEP TO THE BACK OF THE VEHICLE! Then the officer got out of the car. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING SIR? Brian stared in confusion. He began screaming at Brian. The quiver and intensity in the officer's voice made it evident he was pretty shaken up. Then things became clear. I'VE BEEN CHASING YOU FOR MILES! WHY WOULDN'T YOU PULL OVER? I could hear Brian try to explain, My kids were screaming in the back seat and my rear view mirror was pointed down to - THERE IS NO REASON FOR ME TO HAVE TO FOLLOW YOU FOR THAT LONG WITH MY SIRENS AND LIGHTS ON! THERE'S NO EXCUSE!
I was thinking to myself, Actually, sir, there is a perfectly good reason and my husband just gave it to you. The radio was blaring and all mirrors were pointed at the children.
But thankfully my husband had more sense than me. He listened as the officer vented more feelings of flabbergast and then apologized repeatedly and agreed that there was no excuse.
Then I saw the officer head to my window. Keep in mind I wasn't feeling too sharp that morning. I was staring at his face, watching his eyes with hopes that he would look back, notice the kids in the back seat and have mercy. After waiting a while he raised his eyebrows as if to say "Hello?" and motioned for me to roll down my window. I jumped to it and saw him revel in the glory of my radiating picked-at, no make-up having face. He asked to see my driver's license (still trying to get to the bottom of why we were trying to run from him). I set the bowl of cereal I had in my lap on the floorboard then grimaced when I looked back and remembered Brian had packed the diaper bag. Fat chance he thought to grab my wallet.
I smiled sheepishly and started explaining. Well you see, my husband packed the diaper bag yadda yadda yadda. He didn't buy it. All I could think of was to offer to have him follow us back to our home and I would get it for him. From the back seat Silas fervently (and repeatedly) asked Why is the police man angry at Daddy?? Mommeeeeeeeeeeee, WHY??
After a few minutes of asking the same questions and getting the same answers the officer gave up. Maybe the kids worked their magic. Maybe it was Brian's humility. Most likely it was my stunning beauty but regardless, and much to our amazement, he let our little circus act off with a warning.
Laughter replaced the bickering and we were all smiles when we showed up before church ended.
Lesson learned:
You really should point your rear view mirror at the road, not on your darling little angels.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The Healing of Our Marriage
About 3 years ago, Brian and I started really going to church. I don't like that phrase because we ARE the church so how can we go to ourselves. Maybe I should say we started being the church or being a part of the church, the body of Christ.
Whatever you call it, a big part of it is living our lives in the open. Letting others know what we were doing, thinking, and feeling and letting God use them to POWERFULLY remind us of who He is, who we are, and grow us up.
This has led to us dealing with stinking death in our marriage.
It's too difficult to squeeze into a nutshell but it has involved us getting to a place where we don't love each other very well and aim much of our efforts at our own interests and stay angry when our interests aren't served. When this goes on for a long time, you start to not like each other as much. Which has been heartbreaking because we've always really liked each other. Wrap this and much more up and put it in a pressure cooker of very young kids, remodeling our house, then selling our house and moving and you've got a glimpse into our discombobulated mess. I've come to find out our marriage is vulnerable to brokenness just like everyone else's.
Recently I decided I wanted to write about this journey we're embarking on. I want to remember all of it - the hard parts and the awesome parts. Because I serve the best and most faithful healer, and because Brian and I have our hearts set on honoring our covenant and each other, I have hope and anticipation for what's to come. Years from now, I don't want to forget what He's brought us through. And since there's no use hiding the light, I'm gonna put it out for all (3 of you) to see.
Let's begin with the first installment.
Instead, I've been called to this: Lord, this is yours. I'm going to stop messing with your creation, get off the potter's chair and let you do your beautiful work in your time. I give it up. I set it down.
What does this look like in real life? Right now it's alot of shutting my mouth and praying. Sometimes this happens in mid-argument or even mid-opening statement. I can feel the gentle whisper from my Father, "let go." I'll suddenly get quiet and close my eyes. Brian is usually confused. And because I've hurt him with the silent treatment in the past, I'll tell him I'm not shutting down but I have to stop talking and pray now. And "praying" in these instances doesn't always look the same. It has involved screaming about how bad this hurts, asking for healing for both of us, asking for healing for Brian and not me because I didn't do anything wrong!, or feeling so overwhelmed that I just close my eyes and climb into my Father's arms and rest my head on his shoulder (like my children do to me when they're spent) and stay there for a while.
I don't have huge amounts of clarity or insight yet and that's ok. I've just begun to dip my toe into the waters of change. Things are actually still pretty messy, unclear, and unchanging most of the time. But it is already beautiful. The way my Father gently leads me. The way he has spoken to us through others. The little signs of new life starting to sprout in our marriage. Really cool sprouts we've never seen before.
It's looking like he's much better than me at being in charge.
Whatever you call it, a big part of it is living our lives in the open. Letting others know what we were doing, thinking, and feeling and letting God use them to POWERFULLY remind us of who He is, who we are, and grow us up.
This has led to us dealing with stinking death in our marriage.
It's too difficult to squeeze into a nutshell but it has involved us getting to a place where we don't love each other very well and aim much of our efforts at our own interests and stay angry when our interests aren't served. When this goes on for a long time, you start to not like each other as much. Which has been heartbreaking because we've always really liked each other. Wrap this and much more up and put it in a pressure cooker of very young kids, remodeling our house, then selling our house and moving and you've got a glimpse into our discombobulated mess. I've come to find out our marriage is vulnerable to brokenness just like everyone else's.
This was on our favorite vacation ever, Miami.
I didn't know it at the time but Silas was a tiny dot growing in my belly.
Let's begin with the first installment.
I've been called to
STOP CONTROLLING.
For the previous 13 years, I've been honing my skills of manipulation and control. My motto: I want Brian to do a certain thing/be a certain way and I'M GONNA MAKE IT HAPPEN. That may involve hour long explanations on my needs and his shortcomings, staying angry, silent treatment, or just good ol' emotional distance.
Instead, I've been called to this: Lord, this is yours. I'm going to stop messing with your creation, get off the potter's chair and let you do your beautiful work in your time. I give it up. I set it down.
I trust you.
What does this look like in real life? Right now it's alot of shutting my mouth and praying. Sometimes this happens in mid-argument or even mid-opening statement. I can feel the gentle whisper from my Father, "let go." I'll suddenly get quiet and close my eyes. Brian is usually confused. And because I've hurt him with the silent treatment in the past, I'll tell him I'm not shutting down but I have to stop talking and pray now. And "praying" in these instances doesn't always look the same. It has involved screaming about how bad this hurts, asking for healing for both of us, asking for healing for Brian and not me because I didn't do anything wrong!, or feeling so overwhelmed that I just close my eyes and climb into my Father's arms and rest my head on his shoulder (like my children do to me when they're spent) and stay there for a while.
I don't have huge amounts of clarity or insight yet and that's ok. I've just begun to dip my toe into the waters of change. Things are actually still pretty messy, unclear, and unchanging most of the time. But it is already beautiful. The way my Father gently leads me. The way he has spoken to us through others. The little signs of new life starting to sprout in our marriage. Really cool sprouts we've never seen before.
It's looking like he's much better than me at being in charge.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The Bad, the Ugly, and the Good
Today was a hard day. Tonight was even worse. I'm out of town with the kids which means no daddy and I've been sick. Bad combo.
The kids were in the bath after we'd made it through dinner and clean-up time and I was sitting in a little chair reading a book while they played in the water. I peeked over the pages to find them scrubbing each others backs and I let down my guard a little. (I'd been in constant drill sergeant mode for a while). I smiled and thought I guess they are kinda sweet.
Six seconds later a soaking wet wash cloth flew from one of those sweet hands knocking my book out of my hands and onto the floor, instantly soaking the entire thing. They giggled as I jumped up yelling noooooo! and frantically tried to salvage what was now a saturated sponge.
Rage.
Fastest washings and dressings they have ever gotten.
I did stop once to apologize to Silas and told him I'm really tired and my job of being a mommy has been hard today. But mostly they just got fireball eyes if they tried to put up anything resembling resistance.
I laid the little one down in her pack n play and warned of the dreadful things that would happen if she decided to climb out (which she conveniently learned to do a few nights ago after Daddy left).
This is where the good started to creep in. I was on my way to make my 5th trip downstairs for yet another essential bedtime item when Silas called out to me, Mommy I got my blanket and I'm already in bed. I'll wait for you here until you're done with Madison.
Umm, who are you and what have you done with my son? I ran into his room and kissed his cheeks. I needed that Silas. Thank you.
I finished putting Mash to bed which involved apologizing for being grumpy and her saying I agive you in her tiny voice and hugging and kissing me.
Then I climbed into bed with Silas to read him a story. He looked over at me, our noses almost touching, and said When you were a little girl did GuhGuh (my mom) climb in bed and read to you?
Yes, she did.
Well, when I grow up I'm going to snuggle with my kids and read them a story too! Pause. His chin starts to quiver. But I try to think about what kids I will have and I can't see them and I don't know their names! But I want to know their names!
I stared at his little profile and was taken aback by his desire to know his future children.
Did you know your kids will be my grandkids and I will be their grandma?
He looked at me and smiled and said And Daddy will be their grandpa??
Yep.
His chin starts to quiver again. But...who will be their mommy? They will need a mommy.
I told him one day he will find a girl who loves Jesus and is kind and gentle. And she will be his kids' mommy and they will be a family.
He smiled and looked up at the ceiling imagining the future. (He later added that his kids will be Parker and Preston (his cousins) but that he really wants free (3) kids because he wants to have a baby like Madison too.)
So here I am, laying in bed typing so I won't forget this. I find myself asking if this is really happening. I know it's been true of every human in the history of mankind but are my little children really going to one day not be little children? It's strange that something so mundane, commonplace, and experienced by an incalculable amount of parents before me seems so impossible.
And finally, I'm praying that my Father would help me to choose grace tomorrow. To stay in the love as I parent. To let go of the ever available anger and irritation. Because I know your heart is for us to love each other. And wherever their future spouses are, will you give them parents that love them well. That teach them to love well. Thank you for leading me. Your love is better than life!
The kids were in the bath after we'd made it through dinner and clean-up time and I was sitting in a little chair reading a book while they played in the water. I peeked over the pages to find them scrubbing each others backs and I let down my guard a little. (I'd been in constant drill sergeant mode for a while). I smiled and thought I guess they are kinda sweet.
Six seconds later a soaking wet wash cloth flew from one of those sweet hands knocking my book out of my hands and onto the floor, instantly soaking the entire thing. They giggled as I jumped up yelling noooooo! and frantically tried to salvage what was now a saturated sponge.
Rage.
Fastest washings and dressings they have ever gotten.
I did stop once to apologize to Silas and told him I'm really tired and my job of being a mommy has been hard today. But mostly they just got fireball eyes if they tried to put up anything resembling resistance.
I laid the little one down in her pack n play and warned of the dreadful things that would happen if she decided to climb out (which she conveniently learned to do a few nights ago after Daddy left).
This is where the good started to creep in. I was on my way to make my 5th trip downstairs for yet another essential bedtime item when Silas called out to me, Mommy I got my blanket and I'm already in bed. I'll wait for you here until you're done with Madison.
Umm, who are you and what have you done with my son? I ran into his room and kissed his cheeks. I needed that Silas. Thank you.
I finished putting Mash to bed which involved apologizing for being grumpy and her saying I agive you in her tiny voice and hugging and kissing me.
Then I climbed into bed with Silas to read him a story. He looked over at me, our noses almost touching, and said When you were a little girl did GuhGuh (my mom) climb in bed and read to you?
Yes, she did.
Well, when I grow up I'm going to snuggle with my kids and read them a story too! Pause. His chin starts to quiver. But I try to think about what kids I will have and I can't see them and I don't know their names! But I want to know their names!
I stared at his little profile and was taken aback by his desire to know his future children.
Did you know your kids will be my grandkids and I will be their grandma?
He looked at me and smiled and said And Daddy will be their grandpa??
Yep.
His chin starts to quiver again. But...who will be their mommy? They will need a mommy.
I told him one day he will find a girl who loves Jesus and is kind and gentle. And she will be his kids' mommy and they will be a family.
He smiled and looked up at the ceiling imagining the future. (He later added that his kids will be Parker and Preston (his cousins) but that he really wants free (3) kids because he wants to have a baby like Madison too.)
So here I am, laying in bed typing so I won't forget this. I find myself asking if this is really happening. I know it's been true of every human in the history of mankind but are my little children really going to one day not be little children? It's strange that something so mundane, commonplace, and experienced by an incalculable amount of parents before me seems so impossible.
And finally, I'm praying that my Father would help me to choose grace tomorrow. To stay in the love as I parent. To let go of the ever available anger and irritation. Because I know your heart is for us to love each other. And wherever their future spouses are, will you give them parents that love them well. That teach them to love well. Thank you for leading me. Your love is better than life!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)